I had a recent stint of five weeks, knee-deep in a work contract, where I didn’t have (or make) time to work on my book.
And here’s what I discovered: the longer I stayed away, the harder it became to return. It started to feel impossible; that I’d never again be able to open the document and feel as though inside it. That feeling paired with a sense of loss, a heartache for the work. I wanted to write but no longer trusted I still “had it”, or knew what I was trying to say.
This occurred around the same time I was considering giving up cello lessons (I’m a complete beginner—I’ve been learning for 9 months and playing from Suzuki Cello Volume 2). My wonderful teacher sat me down, opened the first page of Volume 1 to the most simple of pieces. She told me to allow myself to return to the physicality of the experience.
‘Feel the cello between your knees,’ she said. ‘Feel the bow hair tugging against the strings. Breathe.’
Slowly, gently, I’ve reaquainted myself with my instrument and have returned to daily practice. It’s taking time to build confidence and technique again, so I’m still working on the simple pieces, finding enjoyment in the process.
The same day of the cello lesson I returned to my desk and, for the first time in five weeks, opened the manuscript. I stared at the words on the first page, then scrolled down and then up the entire document, black words on white pages flashing past. I swallowed, closed my eyes for a second. I couldn’t even remember where I was up to! Breathe, I reminded myself, just breathe.
So, instead of trying to write, I printed off a few chapters, took them to the couch and started reading, getting to know the work again, making pencil marks as I went. Now, a week later, I’m able to write, enjoying the sensation of fingers on keys; feeling my way back to the book, rediscovering what it is I am trying to say.
Cello…. cute! Writing …. sounds like you’re getting there my friend. Catch up before Christmas xx
Yes honey we must FaceTime soon xx
But doesn’t your soul sing when you open up that glory box of creativity? Interesting that you reference breathing ….I always think I breathe better, (and feed my body better), following a bout of music. It’s maybe why pilates fits so well with us too?? Glad you found your way back. Love you xxx
It’s such a great feeling when you finally make your way back! There are SO many similarities about the process and output or writing and music. And yes, pilates completes the triumvirate—each aspect aids the other two. It’s all about what you let go of. Love you too, my clever, musical friend x
Oh I so totally hear you! It’s SO HARD to get back into writing after time away! I lose the essence of my characters, I lose the tone of the story. I’m a plotter rather than a pantser, so I still know where the story is going, but finding my voice again can be challenging.
I can’t wait to read your book when it’s finished!
Totally completely relate and you are brave for learning the cello! I tried to relearn clarinet and it was a total wash-out. Inspiring!!!!
Hey Lizzie! I hope the Stockholm Writers Festival planning is going well – looks amazing. If only I had a tardis…
I know… we need that. A tardis on loan for that entire weekend 😀🖌🇸🇪📚
Hey Caroline! I’m not sure if you know this but I read your Blog all the time. It would be great to catch up soon XX
soz i spelled my my name wrong its me Maia
Hey honey, that is so cool to hear! Can we please FaceTime soon? I miss you…x